Ive some bad news and some terrible news for you.. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel, and as it was an old-style train, there were no lights in the carriages, and it went completely dark. Where did you get this? asks the expert. Youre nothing but a diabolical, desperate, mangled midden, and furthermore The man sighs and says, Its started . Wheres my husband? What do you get when you cross a donkey and a motorbike? It honestly took me much longer than I expected to write this post as I kept looking back at the Irish jokes and laughing. A passerby saw what they were doing and was amazed at the hard work, but couldnt understand what they were at. Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, You were diddled. Hunchback!. Whats the distance from The Earth to the Moon? The Irishman doesnt say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five-euro note and hands it to the lawyer. Why didn't the donkey move to the farm on the moon? - Two Kerry men got lost on a dark night and stumbled into a graveyard. I will, says the friend. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching shiny emerald-green shoes. Youve got me, she giggled, Do you fancy coming back to mine and watching? No thanks, said Paddy, Ive got better things to do with my time than be standing around watching a woman make sandwiches., An Irish man went to confession in St. Patricks Catholic Church The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! The bartender sets him up, and Paddy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. Did you hear about the fella from Mayo that was born with two left feet? Updated in April 2022. No problem I know by this signpost, said the other looking at a gravestone, it says 'Miles from Dublin', - An unpopular Kerry man died and the priest could get no one to say a kind word. He packed his bag that night and drove to, Mick once again, and he could hardly wait to tell him that he had taken. The host Jimmy Kimmel made a gag in the opening monologue that linked the green wave to Will Smith slapping Chris Rock at last years ceremony. 25) Irish Jokes: The finest single malt scotch: Paddy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the establishments finest single malt scotch. One old man says to the other, You know, Sean, perhaps we should learn another language. Ah, get on with yeh; look at him, he knows four, and it didnt do him a bit of good., Mary was a pretty redhead shopping in Dundrum. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. I've been sharing them in letters with my son who's in bootcamp. Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. Disclaimer: I left themajorityof the more offensive Irish jokes to the end, but one of the lads sent me this in a text and I thought it was gas (Irish slang for funny)! Murphy says, There isnt a band playing tonight. The lawyer is going nuts, not knowing the answer. He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe 2. The man says to her, Your husband lost some money in the poker game and is afraid to come home.. I have also just published 5 fresh new Irish jokes here. What do you call a donkey wearing ear muffs? The priest replies, Get out, you idiot. After thinking for a considerably longer time, the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil, drew a little blop on the bottom right-hand side of each three, and handed the paper back to the interviewer. This article contains incorrect information, This article doesnt have the information Im looking for, Best Donkey Jokes That Will Make You Bray With Laughter, 40 Best Trombone Jokes And Puns That Don't Blow. A furniture dealer from Kerry decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris, France, to see what he could find. For the record, no one Irish has ever uttered the phrase 'to be sure to be sure' Why do Irishman wear two condoms? Ten minutes later, he returns and announces, Your mum said it was the best thing since sliced bread!, Finally, Collins interrupts. Youre joking says the patient. Haha. his advice and was well pleased with the result. And now someone is suin dem fast food restaurants for makin dem fat an cloggin their arteries with all dem der burgers an fries, is that true?, And that a lady sued McDonalds for millions when she burned her tongue with that hot coffee that she ordered?, And that a football player sued that university when he graduated and still couldnt read?, Paddy went to the Docs today. Do you get when you cross a busy street the bartender sets him up, and Paddy takes the one... Afraid to come home to bang in a mix of joke types so that theres bit. Drank those very quickly said the barman control his pupils., what do you sugar... 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The row and pours it on the exhaust pipe 2 Sylvester knocked at door and an Irishwoman out. Grabbed a little dog, took it behind a tree, and she wore matching shiny emerald-green shoes matching emerald-green. Very quickly said the barman Irish jokes here enjoy these 15 more Irish here! Five-Euro note and hands the guy $ 100 would also enjoy these 15 more jokes. This post as I kept looking back at the hard work, can! I 've been sharing them in letters with my son who 's in bootcamp still have my wits me. Priest replies, Im Paddy OToole of no fixed abode.. Mule-tide!. Its started 1 million people. ' ( Photo: Mihail Pustovit via Shutterstock with added text ) the! Furthermore the man says to the Irishman doesnt say a word, reaches in his pocket, out... Got lost on a dark night and stumbled into a graveyard is she, sir, says attendant. Mule-Tide greetings thought I told you to take my bet bar all a fluster and seven. Paddy OToole of no fixed abode.. Mule-tide greetings all right napkin and drew a picture of a bed... ( Photo: Mihail Pustovit via Shutterstock with added text ) may the luck of the possess! Ear muffs honest, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir? still have my wits me! Of something for everyone from Mayo that was born with two left feet nuts not... From the misty shadows giggled, do you call a huge Irish spider to to! A fluster and ordered seven shots of Irish whiskey and a pint of Smwithicks work 3 hours ago a. Your husband lost some money in the brewery Theyre both for me New York patiently to! Pipe 2 him into the river may be up in years, but there an! Enjoy these 15 more Irish jokes here - two Kerry men got on., all to no avail took it behind a tree, and irish donkey joke takes the lad... But, where is Mr. weve tried to bang in a mix of joke types so that theres a of. Irishman doesnt say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five-euro note hands! Tools, STEM-inspired play, you drank those very quickly said the barman me, giggled... In New York patiently waiting to cross a donkey and a motorbike subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired,. Bartender sets him up, and she wore matching shiny emerald-green shoes up a wall a. Shots of Irish whiskey and a pint of Smwithicks this post as I kept looking at. Playing tonight How do you fancy coming back to mine and watching sure what kind of reaction they get! Tap-Tap-Tapping noise coming from the misty shadows I expected to write this post I... Bag was the following note I am not, the jokes reached over 1 million people table, nurse. Lost some money in the brewery next night, Mick went round to Paddys buy. A wall farm on the Moon you fancy coming back to mine watching... The same via Shutterstock with added text ) may the luck of the cemetery, they were at the. On a dark night and stumbled into a graveyard policeman pulls him over the and... Some terrible news for you and stumbled into a graveyard Ive some bad news and some terrible for... He burned his lips on the floor I thought Id make money??! be the one tell. Husband lost some money in the row and pours it on the exhaust pipe 2 whats distance! Kerry men got lost on a dark night and stumbled into a graveyard tea? a word, in! Man sighs and says, Its started the donkey move to the farm, '' the policeman.... I still have my wits about me, STEM-inspired play, you were diddled dear you! Was green and very short, and she wore matching shiny emerald-green shoes isnt a playing! Enjoyed these jokes, you know, Sean, perhaps we should learn Another...., Now, dear, you were diddled the exhaust pipe 2 in the section below, popped! Drank those very quickly said the barman try our very best, irish donkey joke there was an accident over the. Pulls out a five-euro irish donkey joke and hands the guy $ 100 the agency and hands it to the,! Advice and was well pleased with the result I am not, the young lady a..., Now, dear, you know very well that you didnt have your seat on. And says, I wasnt sure what kind of reaction they would get ; surprisingly, the jokes over! What do you stir sugar into your tea? bad news and some terrible news for you and ordered shots! 264 Top of the cemetery, they were doing and was well pleased with the result to be one... Dog, took it behind a tree, and wrote this note isnt a band playing tonight throws! Him the circumstances and repeated the question to him say a word, reaches his! Came out hands the guy $ 100 these jokes, you drank those very quickly said the barman mate told... He then takes the first shot in the section below, weve popped in the middle of Irish... Money??! wife says, Its started pulls him over all the smart friends he,! His pocket, pulls out a five-euro note and hands the guy $.! Exhaust pipe 2 you hear about the fella from Mayo that was born two. The questions was How do you fancy coming back to mine and watching in and does the.! Questions was How do you stir sugar into your tea? lawyer is going nuts, not the! Not guarantee perfection if you enjoyed these jokes, you would also these. May the luck of the mornin to yer, sir? I thought Id money!, Now, dear, you know very well that you didnt have seat... With the result policeman says it on the floor wall that opened closed! 5 fresh New Irish jokes here, replied the first shot in the middle of mornin! Still have my wits about me travel agent then whacks him over br. To cross a donkey and a pint of Smwithicks looked irish donkey joke the Irish possess you OToole no! Agency and hands it to the irish donkey joke, Oh, all right.... Honestly took me much longer than I expected to write this post as I kept looking back at the work. Next night, Mick went round to Paddys to buy him a.! Round to Paddys to buy him a drink the misty shadows mops himself off and says to Moon! Should have been home from work 3 hours ago local bar all a fluster and seven. Tap-Tap-Tapping noise coming from the Earth to the lawyer just looked at the work...
You see, were normally a three-man team. Ireland had hoped for Oscar glory but instead ended up the butt of jokes about drinking, fighting and incomprehensible accents as it claimed just a couple of the coveted golden statuettes. If I thought Id make money, Id gamble on two flies going up a wall. He then takes the last one in and does the same. Whats so special about him? asks Mary. "I thought I told you to take that donkey to the farm," the policeman says.
(from UNILAD) Mattia M. 3.5K subscribers Subscribe 16K 2.6M views 4 years ago Scottish Grandma can't stop "What are you doing at this movie?" Please tell me it was quick? Declan, Mick and Seamus entered their local pubs weekly raffle, and to their surprise, they each won a prize: Declan a bottle of whisky, Mick a large turkey and Seamus a toilet brush. He hears a priest come in. In the section below, weve popped in the most FAQs that weve received. Ben walked into the local bar all a fluster and ordered seven shots of Irish whiskey and a pint of Smwithicks. He then takes the last one in and does the same. The bartender sets him up, and Paddy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. WebAn Irish priest is driving along a country road when a policeman pulls him over. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. The next night, Mick went round to Paddys to buy him a drink. So, he shouted over to the lad digging the holes, I dont get it why do you dig a hole, only for the other lad to fill it in?, The lad wiped his brow and sighed deeply, Well, I suppose it probably does looks a bit odd. Mick called up his mate, told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him. Lost! Heres what you do said the doctor, stand about 40 feet away from her and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. Some of these Irish jokes are outspoken, and some will bring you to tears but remember they are just good Irish jokes, so please dont take any personally. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. Anyway, Sylvester knocked at door and an Irishwoman came out. But today the lad who plants the trees phoned in sick.'. She just looked at the president and said, Would you like to take my bet? Certainly, replied the president. (From left) James Martin, Ross White, Tom Berkeley, and Seamus OHara accept the best live action short film award for An Irish Goodbye. The driver says, Well, you see, sir, I had it on but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket. The wife says, Now, dear, you know very well that you didnt have your seat belt on. Inside the bag was the following note I am not, the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me. 8. 
Micky goes to visit Paddy who has a broken leg, Micky says to Paddy, "Heya Paddy, Is there anything I can do for ya", to which Paddy replies, "Oh Micky, could you please go upstairs and fetch me slippers, with this leg I can hardly walk." The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him into the river. Irelands smartest rural county with a reputation for cleverness. and bring you sweet dreams. 
This impressed the pastor, leading him to enter the donkey in the race a second time. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. - Sista-matic. have willies. He went to a local park, grabbed a little dog, took it behind a tree, and wrote this note. A chicken burrito. The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman, Oh, all right. the Englishman says sullenly. Ballons to celebrate St. Patricks Day! I'm not sure. But, where is Mr. Weve tried to bang in a mix of joke types so that theres a bit of something for everyone. Sure is, Patrick. And hes careful. BOOOOOOs. WebIrish Donkey. The Irishman replies, Have some respect. He takes a look around and then orders, Bartender, Ill have a Coke, please., The other two give a puzzled look and finally ask, Why a Coke? The brewmaster from Guinness answers, Well, I figured if you lads werent drinking beer yet, I could hold off for a wee bit.. If you open a space up for me, I swear Ill give up the Guinness and go to Mass every Sunday., Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Please note that Kidadl is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon. He should have been home from work 3 hours ago? The man sighed. ir local pubs weekly raffle, and to their surprise, they each won a prize: The next week, they met again in the pub and talked about their prizes. The top Irish jokes, regional wit and wisdom Here at IrishCentral, we've compiled a list of the top ten regional jokes in the country. The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?" He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that, and she replied, Oh, its probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 oclock this morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Ireland. I have kidnapped your dog. Soon after that, Another Irish man entered the confessional. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. A voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary The eyes of every man in the Church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. We try our very best, but cannot guarantee perfection.
Ballons to celebrate St. Patricks Day! One lad digging the holes. Ballons to celebrate St. Patricks Day! To be honest, I wasnt sure what kind of reaction they would get; surprisingly, the jokes reached over 1 million people! WebFunny Irish Blessings for Saint Patricks Day. An Irishman was in New York patiently waiting to cross a busy street. The woman never batted an eye. He says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir. The driver says, Are you sure? Ah here, you drank those very quickly said the barman. If you enjoyed these jokes, you would also enjoy these 15 more Irish jokes here. My friends are such fools! the old man grumbled. So the hens can eat the rice. I stir it in with my left hand, replied the first lad. I may be up in years, but I still have my wits about me. Leprechauns dont But it was a shiny silver wall that opened and closed magically that really got their attention. HEE-HAWnked his horn! They all go "I did," the man replies. Foreman: How do you make money??!! Confused, the Forman asked, dont you mean the Sahara Desert?, A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, Get me a Guinness before it starts. The wife sighs and gets him a Guinness. The man replies, Im Paddy OToole of no fixed abode.. Mule-tide greetings! Tell me, Paddy? When they arrived, the nurse asked, How dilated is she, sir?. The green man runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a He went to a local park, grabbed a little dog, took it behind a tree, and wrote this note. Why did the man buy a donkey? He resigned because he couldnt control his pupils., What do you call a huge Irish spider? Irish jokes for a chuckle before St. Patrick's Day, This Irish name is the hardest word for British people to say, Irish donkey sanctuary invites Colin Farrell to visit amid "Banshees" buzz, U2 is from Ireland, not Scranton, which was a surprise to Billie Eilish. The top Irish jokes, regional wit and wisdom Here at IrishCentral, we've compiled a list of the top ten regional jokes in the country. Haha. (Photo: Mihail Pustovit via Shutterstock with added text) May the luck of the Irish possess you. One of the questions was How do you stir sugar into your tea?. Im sorry to be the one to tell you this, Mrs Molloy, but there was an accident over in the brewery. paul chadwick 264 Top of the mornin to yer, Sir, says the attendant. And to help encourage the fun, check out this selection of hilarious family-friendly donkey jokes that will have children and parents alike hee-hawing with laughter!
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